Now that You're Gone
Soo, how am I doing? I'm feeling a lot better now. I've come to the conclusion that it was better that this happened now, rather than down the road. It would have hurt a lot more. It was really weird. He just called out of the blue Wednesday night and started talking about how depressed he is, how he isn't over his ex girlfriend, how he needs to find himself, all this stuff. He even talked about his suicide attempt a few weeks ago when he was in San Diego. He said his friends had to pull him from a balcony ledge. That really scared me. He said he wanted to be friends, that we'd still hang out. I can't do that right now. Maybe later. Maybe. There are times when I think I'll get through this. There are other times when I want to go over to his house and beg him to stay with me. It's going to be a lot of ups and downs, I can see that right now. In spite of everything, I still love him. I know it's terrible. Maybe it will fade with time. I find myself remembering all the times he just held me and I felt so loved. He asked me to marry him, twice!! I can't just forget that. I miss him. I miss everything about him; his smile, his touch, his voice. I wish I could see him, but I have to be strong. This is for the best right? Maybe I'll find someone else. I don't know if I can do this again though. I'm going to be very gaurded with my heart from now on, more than I was before.
Another weirdly accurate horoscope. This is my love horoscope for this week. I just read it today:
Cancer Lovescope
Week of Jun. 2, 2003 by Astrocenter.com
The most notable planetary shift of the week happens on Wednesday. On this day, Saturn moves into your home sign of Cancer, marking the start of a two and a half year period in which you will be asked to restructure and reorganize in many ways. You will be called on to take your relationships more seriously. Are you really truly serious about the person you are dating? If not, let that person go so that you can find someone new. On the whole, you will find yourself pickier than before. You won't settle for someone who is not perfect for you. You want something more. You want someone stable. You want someone who will be just as committed to you as you are to him or her. This is not too much to ask for. Raise the bar. Raise your standards. You deserve the best, so make sure that you settle for nothing less.
A huge thank you to all my friends who have helped comfort me. You are all amazing and I am so grateful for your support.
Love,
Amanda
Amanda from URL @ 1:24 AM
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